Monday, August 17, 2009

If you don't use it, you'll lose it.

I am a firm believer that if you don't use your talents, you'll lose your talents. I was blessed with many talents (not tooting my own horn, I swear). Aside from the usual ... wife, mother, yada, yada, yada ... I am a photographer, a writer, and I have artistic abilities (drawing, painting and crafting).

Having such a dysfunctional family life I spent much of my youth alone, closed off in my bedroom. In desperate need of an escape I began to write. If I couldn't have a life outside of the four walls that held me captive then I would create my own. I let my imagination soar and then wrote all my musings down on paper. I used writing as a form of refuge, a way to vent my frustrations, a way to fill the void I suffered due to my home life. In high school I continued to write but with a different style. It was less straight off the cuff and more structured. I won several awards for my writing and had a short story, as well as many poems published in various school publications. Writing was a vehicle for my adventurous journey and I deeply cherished it.

My eye for beauty didn't end with the written word or photos. I added drawing and painting to my list of hobbies. Hobbies that with my talents were both fun and easy to accomplish. I soon realized that if I combined all of these things that I loved to do I could create a magical world for others. I could share my tales by writing stories and illustrating them with my pictures (drawn or photographed).

Photography was yet another way for me to add beauty to my dull and rather dark world. I loved to capture the essence of life on film; to preserve snippets of time on a piece of paper. I soon discovered that not only did I enjoy taking pictures but that I was good at it.

Many years later I still haven't made good on my dreams. I am not a celebrated writer nor am I a world renowned photographer. My art is not hanging in any art studio waiting to be shown. I have accused others of holding me back. I have made excuse after pathetic excuse for my lack of advancement, only to realize that my own fear of failure has prevented me from my goals and aspirations.

Today I have decided that I will not give in to defeat. I will not give in to my self-doubt and fear. I will no longer second guess myself or my talents. This challenge will be no different than many others that I have faced throughout my life and emerged victorious. I have slipped away from my talents in the past but I will not be left fearing the loss of them. I will use my talents so that I do not one day lose my talents.

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